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A Tribute To My Oldest SiSter

3/10/2025

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My sister, Cheryl, and me, October 2010.
I like to remember her this way. It was a difficult time for all of us, we had just lost our mother. It  happened so fast. Diagnosed in April, 2010, and gone by August. Cheryl was living with mom at the time. An arrangement that worked for both of them. She was going through difficult times, and it seemed to bring some stability, and camaraderie, for both of them.  It was lucky for all of us that she was able to live with mom while going through what cancer treatment they could offer. All four of us sisters did our part, but having her there with mom was a gift.

I spent a lot of time going back and forth from Milwaukee to my mom's place near Sheboygan. Especially towards the end. And afterwards, when we had to empty out the apartment, which took weeks. This photo is from the final day of cleaning house. We were exhausted, a bit giddy from the stress of it all.

I was worried about her landing on her feet after all of this. She had always encompassed a fragility that was hard to explain. But, fortunately, she did okay, for a pretty long while.  Having gone through all the trauma of losing our mom, I tried to make it a point to get together with Cheryl regularly.  We would meet halfway between Sheboygan and Milwaukee.  Go for coffee. I was teaching her to crochet, and she was picking it up pretty well. Sometimes we would meet at a park, and have a picnic of sorts. 
Eventually things got a little tougher for her, but she hung on. Her sons had families, and she adored her grandchildren. There were good times, troubled times. Eventually, she had a health issue that caused a form of paralysis, and she could no longer walk. Barely use her arms. She entered a care home. She managed to maintain a pretty positive attitude, most days. But the past year her health deteriorated. And tonight, at 11:05 pm she passed away.
Even though it was expected eventually, it's still a shock. It's hard to believe my oldest sister is gone. It's going to take some time to process this. I'm glad she isn't in pain anymore. I hope she's walking in sunshine, wherever she is. Sure and steady. Trouble-free.
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END DETOUR

3/22/2023

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Life is full of detours
Sometimes they can be beautiful
Or teach us a lesson
Take us through something
We never stopped to consider before
But they don't last forever
So take a moment to glean
What sunlight they hold
And carry it with you
As you resume the journey

​

​

(c)2023 Kimberly Mackowski
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New Year's Eve, 1966

12/29/2022

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New Year's Eve, 1966. Celebrating the coming new year, and awaiting the arrival of our new sister.
Once upon a time, on December 31, 1966, my older sister and I celebrated New Year's Eve with our grandparents, and one of my sister's neighborhood friends. We had party hats and streamers, and snacks of course, set up in the basement of our home.

Our parents were not celebrating with us, as they were at the hospital, where my mother was giving birth to my baby sister.  A New Year's Eve baby.

With her arrival we were three sisters.  In another few years, we would become four. But I digress. My sister arrived just under the wire, on the very last evening of 1966.

There are millions of babies born on New Year's Eve. As my sister is one of them, I will forever associate New Year's Eve with her arrival.

​When the ball drops on New Year's Eve, it rings out the old year, and rings in the new, but I like to think it also celebrates all those born on New Year's Eve, whatever the year. 

Truth is, those born on national holidays can often feel overshadowed by it. Especially if the holidays are during December. 

​So, I'd like to celebrate my sister, and her New Year's Eve birthday this year with a bit of history and nostalgia.  Here's just a bit about the year she was born.
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The day my new sister came home, and we got to hold her for the first time.

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Our grandfather holding our new baby sister, just days after she came home.
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A few years later, enjoying some time with our grandmother.
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Circa 1970, then there were four.
Born on 12-31-1966, you are: Capricorn, GenerationX
​
City of Birth: St. Paul, MN
High Temperature:  20 F
Low Temperature: 20 F
Skies: Fair to Cloudy
Moon: Waning Gibbous Phase

Theme for St. Paul Winter Carnival: Patriotic Eagle

President of the United States: Lyndon B. Johnson

The #1 Song on the Charts: "I'm A Believer" - The Monkees
The #1 Movie:  Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?

Most popular home interior color:  Mod Magenta

​Sports: the Green Bay Packers win their 10th NFC Championship.

Most Popular Car: Volkswagen Type 2 Camper Bus

Hot Fashion Item: The "Mod" look in plaid.

Top Broadway Show: Man of La Mancha

Popular Soft Drink: Fresca

Popular New Snack Food: Bugles

Popular Toys/Gifts for Kids: Pogo Sticks, Pinball Games, Lego Construction Set, Twister
​
Popular Bicycles: Raleigh Riviera 3-speed Bicycle, Classic Schwinn Stingray with Banana Seat

Happy New Year's Eve and Birthday, 2022, to my beautiful sister!
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Let's Call It A Year

12/22/2022

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Wasn’t  it  just a brand new year
Didn’t we just start over 

Wasn’t it just a brand new spring
Suddenly it’s gone colder 


Too many hurtful words have been said
Too many goodbyes have been spoken 

Too many painful tears have been shed
Too many hearts have been broken 


Let’s call it a year
Let’s pray for better tomorrows 

Hang up the wreath and light up the tree
Let’s spread the joy, not the sorrow 


Nearly a year has come to pass
Hard times in no hurry for leaving 

I’d just as soon they move along
It’s time for a new beginning 


Let’s call it a year
Let’s hope for better tomorrows 

Open our hearts and make our own peace
Maybe the world will follow 


Let’s call it a year
Give me your  hand, we can make it 

Better tomorrows are coming our way
It’s time for a new beginning 

It’s time for a new beginning

(c) 2011 Kimberly Mackowski

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Sunflower Evening

8/14/2022

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Once in the depths of summer
You came to my room
The music and joyful mayhem
Of summer carnival
Drifting in through the open window

You arrived at my door
Sunflowers in hand
Picked from the field
A shortcut to my world

Handing them over you smiled
I offered a kiss
In thanks for the gift
Of the flowers
Of your presence

A simple hint
Of what was to follow
On a warm summer night
Beneath curtains
Billowing in the breeze

A bit cliche', I suppose
But summer is
Sometimes


(c) 8/2022 Kimberly Mackowski
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Oh, but in spring

6/9/2022

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Oh, but in spring
How vibrant
How green
The branches adorned
Full of life
Verdant and seductive

Leaves and flowers
Heavy with aroma
Fragrance a potent elixir
Stirs the soul
And awakens the heart
Blood pulsing
Yearning
Dreams abundant with hope

(c) 2022 Kimberly Mackowski
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the memorial bench

4/28/2022

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I spend a great deal of time in nature. At local parks, preserves, nature sanctuaries. I find these spaces calming, peaceful, mentally and physically exhilarating and comforting. A walk in the woods, around a park lagoon, along a boardwalk, helps to quiet the mind, refresh the soul.  Most often, on a walk, I will come upon a park bench. One with a memorial plate.  A dedication to someone who no longer walks this earth. But whose essence remains, just the same.  Someone loved that person enough to buy space on a bench to honor them. And, likely, to be able to visit that park bench, sit down, and feel their presence once more.

My parents died many years apart. But both had wished to be cremated when they died. And to have their ashes scattered upon a river up north, in a park that meant a great deal to them in their younger years.
We honored those wishes, both times.  Made the trek five hours north, and scattered their ashes as requested.  The moments were special, and memorable, of course.  

But years later, more than a decade, from time to time, I feel a need to visit them.  I have made the trip a couple times, to that river up north. And spent time on the bridge from which their ashes fell. But it's a journey not easily made in a moments notice. 

I tell myself it doesn't matter. That I can feel near to them by opening a photo album, listening to a special song, or re-imagining a special moment or memory. But sometimes, I feel the need to find a peaceful spot,  to sit, reflect. Maybe even talk to them. Out loud. 

Sometimes I talk to them when I'm driving in my car. Sometimes I drive by my mothers old apartment, just to see if her aura resonates there. Sometimes I visit old cemeteries and talk to them as I walk the paths of gravestones, songbirds singing overhead. Even though they aren't buried there, in my mind there is still some otherworldly connection. Cemeteries are where we bury the dead. But aren't they really there for the living? For those the deceased leave behind? So we can visit them, somehow.

I know I'm not alone in this. Lots of people are cremated, and their ashes scattered in far away places. Some people go missing, and never return. Some die in foreign lands and cannot be returned, or cannot be returned to. Whatever the situation, I've no doubt that the loved ones left behind yearn for a touchstone, a place to be quiet, and imagine a continued connection.

Grief is a difficult thing. It eases over time, but it never truly leaves you. So, I have this fantasy of a memorial bench in every park, meant for anyone who grieves another. Who grieves the loss of a loved one. A place where they can sit and be with their thoughts and memories, and feel the essence of that missing soul nearby.  I suppose it really doesn't matter if there is a memorial plate on the bench. A name, or a message, a poem, or quote. Every park bench could be considered a memorial bench.  Except those signs do mean something. They say to the world that this is a memorial bench. That this is a special place. That this person should be remembered. Is remembered. And your lost loved one deserves to be remembered, too. 
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​Scattered ashes
Missing souls
Here, a touchstone
For those we loved
​And the days we mourn



(c)2020 Kimberly Mackowski
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my love is a hummingbird

4/20/2022

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spirit lake

4/5/2022

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PictureThe pines at Spirit Lake.
So much of what I do creatively is done solo.  I hike, photograph nature, write lyrics, play ukulele. I share my photographs in a few different ways, sing my songs on occasion for others.  But the actual creative part is so often done alone.

In the fall of 2020 we were all so isolated.  Thanks to Covid-19 we were spending even more time alone than we were used to.  It was at this time that I invited my sister to join me in a project.  I asked her to be my photographic muse.  She said Yes!  I was so excited.  We decided on a location to shoot and film, Spirit Lake Nature Preserve.  Just the name of the preserve was inspiring.  I had been there before, and I knew that there were big stands of pine trees, and I thought they might be the perfect spot for our afternoon of creativity.

PictureA crown of flowers and leaves.
I ended up writing a new song for this project, with a different sound than my usual little ukulele folk songs.  I recorded it and sent it along to my sister for her thoughts.  She liked it!  We talked a bit about costumes.  I made her a crown of leaves and flowers, she brought a cape, and a gorgeous long green dress.

In my mind I could picture her character running through the woods.  She's a runner, so she was up for it.
I'm not sure I was ever as excited for a project.  She has a natural flair for acting, so I knew she would be great.  And on the day we scheduled to film the weather was perfect. Sunny, not too warm.  We would be under the cover of the pines, so there wouldn't be any trouble with light. ​

PictureMy Sister, my muse.
We drove to the location.  There was no one else there.  We had the woods all to ourselves. And for about two hours it was bliss!  We shot video scenes, did a photo shoot.  She ran barefoot across the pine needles through the woods.  Things just fell into place.  And when we were done I couldn't wait to get home to edit it all together.  

And though it was an absolute beginner project, I have to say that I'm so happy with how it turned out. Her performance, the song, the photography.  I had only done a couple music video projects before, so I was just learning. But it was so much fun putting it all together.  A true learning experience.  I can't wait to collaborate with her again.  So, let me just say, Thank you, Laura. You're amazing.​

HERE AMONG THE PINES
THE SMELL OF THE EARTH
ALL AROUND ME

HAWK CIRCLING OVERHEAD
I HEAR HIM CRY
​THE MOON IS ARISING

     NEXT TO ME
     I HEAR YOUR HEART BEAT
     NEXT TO ME
​     IT SOUNDS LIKE A DRUM
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​LOVE IS A MYSTERY
IN THE WILD
UNDERSTORY

     WILDERNESS
     MOVES THROUGH MY VEINS
     YOUR CARESS
     ON MY SKIN LIKE THE RAIN


​JUST BEYOND THE TREES
MOONLIGHT IS SHINING
O'ER SPIRIT LAKE

IN THE DARK IT CALLS TO ME
SO WE WILL GO
​TO WADE IN THE WATER
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​NEXT TO ME
I HEAR YOUR HEART BEAT
NEXT TO ME
IT SOUNDS LIKE A DRUM
NEXT TO ME
​IT SOUNDS LIKE A DRUM
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there are days

3/25/2022

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    I write prose, songs, poetry, play ukulele, sing, and take pictures, too. I love nature, birds of all kinds, and am channeling the courage to share my creative self. I live in Southeast Wisconsin with my husband, and a family of pet birds. I am also the creator of the nature website and blog
    ​ theparknextdoor.com.

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